New Study Says 19-Year-Olds Exercise About as Much as 60-YEAR-OLDS…

19 Year Olds Exercise

Everyone has noticed a recent physical change in young people. In fact, the new wave of beta males and fat pride feminists  being a thing has unnerved some folks (see FAIL: Antifa Open Up Wimpy ‘Self Defense’ Gym… and Not Satire: Self-Proclaimed ‘Fat Activist’ Compares Thin People to …Rape Culture?!). Naturally, scientists are on a quest to study why many teenagers have less muscle tone that that of a sea cucumber. Here’s what they found.

Physical activity among children and teens is lower than previously thought, suggests a study conducted by researchers from the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health.

For their study … the participants wore tracking devices for seven straight days, removing them for only bathing and at bedtime. The devices measured how much time participants were sedentary or engage in moderate-to-vigorous physical activity.

The study confirmed that recommended guidelines were not being met. For instance, the World Health Organization (WHO) recommends at least 60 minutes of moderate-to-vigorous physical activity a day for children five to 17 years. The study found that more than 25 percent of boys and 50 percent of girls age six to 11 and more than 50 percent of male and 75 percent of female adolescents age 12 to 19 had not met the WHO recommendation.

Ah yes. That explains a lot. I’m guessing all their unused energy goes into social justice protests.


“Activity levels at the end of adolescence were alarmingly low, and by age 19, they were comparable to 60-year-olds,” says the study’s senior author, Vadim Zipunnikov, assistant professor in the Bloomberg School’s Department of Biostatistics.

“So, in conclusion, most young people are lazy oinklets probably.” – Vadim Zippunikov, assistant professor in the Bloomberg School’s Department of Biostatistics.

Okay, I may have taken some creative liberties with that quote. Also it’s not a direct quote. Don’t sue me. But the point remains, this super smart guy’s data basically says tons of young people are lethargic wimplings. So before any teenage, sebaceous biggums weakly point their pitchforks at me, they should direct their outrage at themselves first. Maybe consider changing geriatric gym habits.

Find a gym. Go to one. Use the weight room. Or go outside. Walk around and enjoy your natural surroundings without Instagramming your (probably fat) face.